Perfection vs. Consistency: How to Rewire the Perfectionist Mindset
If you’ve ever vacuumed your way out of a room to leave perfect lines (or planned your lawn-mowing pattern like a chess match), you’re in good company.
In a recent episode of the Mental Health Made Simple Podcast, Dr. Mark shared how, years ago, control showed up as “one plate, one fork, color-coded hangers, and vacuum lines to the bed.” Jonathan shared the flip side: when life felt out of control, he didn’t freeze—he floored it. Fifth gear. Tunnel vision. Burnout.
Same engine, different outcomes. That’s the sneaky thing about perfectionism: it can look like hyper-control or overdrive—and both quietly drain your mental health.
This post turns that honest conversation into simple tools you can use today—no jargon, no overwhelm.
What Perfectionism Really Feels Like (Not a Textbook Definition)
When perfection looks like control (Mark’s way):
If I can plan the outcome, I go, go, go. If I can’t, I freeze. The more uncertain the options, the more anxiety spikes.
When perfection looks like pressure (Jonathan’s way):
If I don’t deliver at the highest level, I slide into a depressive spiral. “Good” feedback stings because it isn’t great. I’d rather get an A+ or an F—at least I’d know what to do next.
Underneath both versions is the same driver: “Am I enough?”
Perfectionism promises safety or worth… then moves the finish line.
Why Awareness Changes Everything
You can’t manage what you can’t see. Two practices kept coming up in our conversation:
Know your tells. Where do you feel it in your body? Tight chest, pit in the stomach, clenched jaw—your nervous system often speaks first.
Borrow honest mirrors. Ask a counselor, trusted friend, partner, or teammate:
“When I do ___, how do you experience me?”
Not to get roasted—but to get clarity. The people who love you won’t placate you; they’ll tell the truth because they care.
The goal isn’t to “kill” perfectionism. It’s to notice it sooner and choose a different response.
Trade Perfection for Consistency
There’s a quote we love (Jonathan paraphrasing Tom Brady):
You don’t have to be perfect.
You have to be what most people aren’t—consistent, determined, and willing to work for it.
Consistency won’t get you applause every day. It will get you health. And health compounds.
Think tool belt, not silver bullet. You won’t “solve” perfectionism once and for all. You’ll collect simple tools you can reach for when it flares up—like a weighted blanket, a grounding walk, a glass of cold water, or a pre-written note to yourself for anxious moments. That’s growth.
Yellow Flags: How to Spot Unhealthy Perfection Early
If any of these feel familiar, it’s time to pause and reset:
All-or-nothing thinking: “If it isn’t excellent, it’s worthless.”
Outcome over ownership: You only feel safe if you control every variable.
Freeze or floor it: You either shut down or sprint until you’re spent.
Good isn’t good enough: “Okay” feedback triggers shame or hopelessness.
Chronic comparison: You measure your “now” against someone else’s highlight reel.
Endless moving bar: Every win immediately becomes the new baseline.
None of these make you “broken.” They’re signals. And signals are useful once you learn how to read them.
A Simple Framework to Rewire the Pattern
Pause the Emotion → Plan the Response
When anxiety spikes, your thinking brain goes partly offline. Don’t reason with a brain that can’t reason. Ground first.
Try: 4x4 breathing, cold water on wrists, stepping outside, feeling your feet on the floor, or a 90-second body scan.Pre-Plan Your Battles (When You’re Calm)
Write a small “When/Then” card:
When I feel the chest tightness and racing thoughts, then I will:
Step away for 3 minutes
Drink water
Text ___ “Having a moment—going for a walk”
Return and choose the next step, not the perfect step
Choose a “Good Enough” Win
Ask: “What’s the smallest acceptable version of done?”
Ship that. Learn. Improve next rep.Ask for Honest Feedback (From the Right People)
Use the prompt: “When I do ___, how do you experience me?”
Listen without defending. Decide one change to test this week.Track Consistency, Not Perfection
Use a simple habit tracker. Your metric is days you showed up, not how flawless it looked. Five messy reps beat one perfect one.
Try This Today (Pick One)
Body check: Where does perfection show up—chest, stomach, jaw? Name it out loud.
One notch down: Finish a task at 90% and leave it. Notice what happens.
Ask the mirror: Send this text to a trusted person:
“Quick gut-check—when I do ____, how do you experience me?”
Lower the bar, raise the reps: What’s the 10-minute version you can do every day this week?
Sticky note for your desk:
“Consistency > Perfection. Next right step.”
For Parents, Students, and High Achievers
Students: Your worldview is still widening. Avoid the alley-wind tunnel of all-or-nothing thinking. Pick a direction. Take one step. Learn. Repeat.
Parents & leaders: Model “good enough” and coach consistency. Trophies for trying aren’t the point—growth is.
High achievers: Excellence is great. But if “good” feedback ruins your day, the bar might be built from fear. Adjust it. You’ll perform better from health.
A Gentle Word on Faith
Self-knowledge isn’t selfishness. The more you truly know yourself, the more you can love others well.
When perfection runs the show, we tend to love neither ourselves nor others. Awareness creates room for compassion.
The Bottom Line
Perfection promises control, certainty, and worth.
Consistency delivers growth, stability, and peace.
You don’t need perfect vacuum lines to sleep tonight.
You need one honest moment, one small plan, one consistent step.
You’ve got this.
Listen to the Full Conversation
🎧 “Perfection vs. Consistency: Tools to Rewire Your Mindset”
The Mental Health Made Simple Podcast — Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Amazon Music.