Why Goal Setting Falls Apart When You're Overwhelmed (And What Actually Works Instead)
The calendar flipped. You made your list. And by January 15th, you're already behind.
Sound familiar?
Here's what nobody tells you about New Year's resolutions: your body doesn't reset on January 1st. That stress you carried in December? The grief, the guilt, the pressure, the debt, the health stuff, the family stuff? It all walks right into January with you.
And when you stack ambitious goals on top of an already maxed-out life, you don't get transformation. You get burnout, shame, and another "I guess I just can't stick with anything" story.
There's a better way.
The Real Reason Resolutions Fail
Most goal-setting advice assumes you're starting from zero. A blank slate. Fresh energy. Unlimited capacity.
But that's not real life.
Real life is waking up on January 1st with the same job stress, the same family dynamics, the same financial pressures, and the same nervous system that was running on fumes in December. As Jonathan put it on this week's episode:
"It's like saying, I'm $150,000 in debt, but I'm going to start investing in Bitcoin this year…No you’re not! The math doesn't work. You can't add to your plate without subtracting."
The problem isn't your motivation. It's your capacity.
Motivation vs. Capacity: The Difference That Changes Everything
Motivation is the desire to do something. Capacity is your actual ability to do it given everything else in your life.
Many people have plenty of motivation but lack the margin, energy, and bandwidth to follow through. The problem isn't that you don't want it enough—it's that you're already depleted.
This is why willpower-based approaches fail. You can't "push through" a capacity problem. You have to address the capacity itself.
That means before you set goals, you need to do a capacity audit. (We've got a free worksheet for this, grab it below.)
How to Set Goals When You're Already Overwhelmed
Here's the framework Dr. Mark and Jonathan break down in this episode:
1. Audit your actual capacity
Look at one real week in your upcoming month. Work, family, finances, stress, obligations. Be brutally honest about what's already on your plate. If every hour is accounted for, where exactly is the new habit supposed to go?
2. Subtract before you add
If your life is already full, adding a new goal without removing something is a setup for failure. What needs to come off your plate before something new can go on?
3. Define success for YOUR life
Success might be two days a week, not seven. Progress, not perfection. Don't measure yourself against someone else's capacity or someone else's season of life.
4. Work backward from the goal
Where do you want to be in 360 days? 180? 90? 30? What's one step for this week? Break big goals into smaller containers so they're not overwhelming.
5. Aim for 75%, not 100%
Can you hit this goal 75% of the time? If not, scale it back until you can. Consistency at 75% beats perfection at 0%.
Watch for the "Should" Voice
One of the biggest obstacles to realistic goal-setting is the "should" voice. "I should be further along by now." "I should be doing what everyone else is doing." "I should be able to handle this." As Mark says:
"Shoulds are a killer of reality."
Notice when shame is driving your goal-setting. If you're setting a goal because you feel like you "should"—rather than because it genuinely matters to you in this season—that's a red flag.
Permission to Make Healing the Goal
Here's something we don't say enough: maybe this year isn't about big achievements. Maybe the most important thing you can do is heal.
If you've been through significant loss, transition, or stress, your goal this year might simply be to recover. To stabilize. To rebuild your capacity so that future goals actually have a foundation to stand on.
That's not a cop-out. That's wisdom.
Download the Capacity Audit Tool
January pressures you to do more. But most resolutions fail because we add without subtracting. This free worksheet helps you audit what's already draining your energy — so your goals actually have room to stick.
Listen to the Full Episode
This article covers the highlights, but the full conversation goes much deeper, and more practical, including the neuroscience of habit formation, why "procrastination by education" keeps us stuck, and a powerful analogy about clearing the lot before building the house.